Samuel has devoted the last six years of his life to serving his king as an assassin, but the adventures he was promised are starting to lose their appeal. Two years ago, he realized what was missing in his life, but he was too afraid to act on it. When the need becomes too great, he leaves in the middle of the night to return home to his best friend … the man he fell for without even knowing it. Though he fears Quentin might not be able to accept his past, he knows he has to try to win the man’s heart.
Excerpt:
Samuel swung the
ax again, the catharsis of the physical labor calming him some. Despite the
number of dangerous missions he’d completed, and the way he’d defied King
Jareth by leaving the palace without his permission, he felt like a coward.
I can’t even tell Quentin how I feel. How
will I ever convince him to give me a chance?
He’d had several
opportunities the day before, but he hadn’t taken any of them. The looks
Quentin had given him seemed to prove his friend suspected the truth, yet
Samuel had let each chance slip away. Samuel’s preference for male lovers had
never been a secret, but Quentin had never expressed any interest in men
before. Samuel knew Quentin wasn’t a virgin—he wasn’t either—but they’d never
talked much about sex beyond curious speculation when they were teenagers.
Glancing back to
the house, Samuel saw Quentin at the kitchen window, probably washing the
breakfast dishes or preparing some vegetables for lunch. He paused a moment and
watched the other man turn his head and say something to Jesse before moving
away quickly, probably to keep the little boy from bringing a piece of
furniture down on himself. Samuel longed to stay here forever and take care of
Jesse and Quentin, but that would only work if Quentin could return his
feelings. Quentin was too tenderhearted and passive to ever ask him to leave,
but it wouldn’t make sense to anyone else that a man as wealthy as Samuel would
choose to live on a small farm with a “friend”. The fact he’d claimed Jesse as
his biological son would excuse it to many, but it would still look a bit odd.
But more than
that, Samuel couldn’t spend every day at Quentin’s side without touching him.
He usually stayed about two weeks, which was about all he could take. Once he
ran out of tasks to do around the farm, all he could think of was holding
Quentin in his arms.
Samuel didn’t
remember the exact moment he’d developed feelings for Quentin. It had only
really hit him when he’d arrived in the village two years ago and seen Quentin
cradling an infant lovingly in his arms. His heart had nearly stopped, as he’d
thought that perhaps Quentin had neglected to tell him about a woman he’d
become involved with. When he’d learned the truth and looked down at Quentin’s
tear-stained face, the lie had simply spilled out. Samuel couldn’t even
remember half of what he’d said that day. All he’d been able to think about was
the fact that Quentin needed help and how claiming Lizzie’s baby as his own
would tie them together forever.
It had been a
stupid move. They’d been friends since infancy, and that would never change. He
hadn’t needed to do a damned thing to remain a part of Quentin’s life. The
shock had made him desperate to pull Quentin as close as he could. They’d never
fought about it—not exactly—but Quentin brought it up every time he visited.
After two years, though, he couldn’t take it back. Everyone would think he was
crazy.
And what will they think if Quentin and I
get together? That’ll be a lively round of gossip. Quentin and Lizzie had
been twins, though it hadn’t been obvious because Quentin had inherited his
father’s dark hair while Lizzie had somehow gotten the blonde hair dominant on
their mother’s side. People would whisper, but didn’t they already? Not
everyone had thought it proper for Samuel to seduce Lizzie and then stay gone
so long.
Of course, he
couldn’t defend himself and say he hadn’t actually done that at all.
Samuel had just
turned twenty-five, and every time he returned home, the local women slyly
asked if he planned to marry soon. He’d always been discreet at home, so only
Quentin really knew about his preference. He’d left home at nineteen, four
months after the deaths of his own parents, following King Jareth off on a
“grand adventure”. Part of that adventure had been a very torrid affair with
one of Jareth’s grooms, his first real lover. His teenage years had been filled
with clumsy fumblings, but he’d never gone all the way until he was far from
home.
“Would you like
some water?”
The voice broke
through Samuel’s thoughts, and he blinked as he lowered the ax and lifted his
gaze. “I’d love some. Thanks.” He reached out, brushing Quentin’s fingers as he
took the glass.
“You’re welcome.
You’ve made short work of it,” Quentin said as he shifted a wiggling Jesse in
his arms.
Samuel downed the
water as he looked around and realized he only had one more small section to
chop. “Yeah, I guess I was daydreaming myself.”
“Is everything all
right?”
Samuel set the
glass on a smooth rock by the fencepost. “For now.”
“For now?”
Unable to make
himself tell the whole truth, he settled for half the truth. “I don’t have
Jareth’s permission to be here.”
“What? Tell me
you’re kidding. That man scares me so much.”
“He shouldn’t.
He’d never hurt you or treat you unfairly. I know how he seems to everyone, but
I’ve gotten to know him well over the years.” Samuel paused, knowing he
shouldn’t talk too much about the king’s private life. Jareth had plenty of
flaws, but Samuel had come to respect him in a more tangible way since meeting
him in person. He came closer and set the ax aside, coming over the fence and
removing his shirt to wipe his face down. “But I have the queen’s blessing. I
told her I needed to go home, and she understood.”
Quentin’s gaze
wandered over Samuel’s chest as he wiped himself down. Samuel hadn’t taken his
shirt off intentionally, but now he slowed his movements to see Quentin’s
reaction.
“I could’ve
brought you a towel. Sorry.”
Samuel spread the
shirt over the fence to let it dry in the heat of the suns, and then he
shrugged. “It’s fine.” He reached over and flicked a bug off Jesse’s shirt.
“Don’t worry. If Jareth wants me back, he’ll send a messenger. I’m not in
trouble.”
“What did you tell
the queen?”
“That I needed to
go home. See my friend. My child.”
“Even away from
here, you say he’s yours?”
“Yes. Inconsistency
is how you get caught in a lie.”
Quentin tilted his
head. “Then maybe you shouldn’t have lied. I still don’t get it.”
Samuel shrugged
again. “Didn’t want people gossiping about her. Your sister was sweet.”
Quentin didn’t
look convinced, but he seemed to let it drop. “So that’s all that’s distracting
you? Worrying Jareth will make you go back?”
Samuel sighed.
“There’s always a lot on my mind. Perhaps we can talk later.”
“Do you want to
quit?”
“What?”
“What you do for
the king. Do you want to quit?”
“Possibly.
Depending on how some other things go.”
Quentin hugged
Jesse closer. “I’d like it if you did something else.” His gaze went to the
ground, and he lowered his voice. “I have nightmares. Sometimes.” He lifted his
eyes, a noticeable sadness visible there. “About learning you died in some
horrible way.”
Despite the heat
of the twin suns, Samuel felt cold. “You’ve never told me that.”
“Of course not.
It’s embarrassing.”
“Don’t be
embarrassed. I worry about you, too. Out here alone. Both of you.”
Quentin started to
say something else, but a horse and cart pulled up in front of the house.
Quentin handed Jesse over as he waved at the man climbing down from the cart.
“Watch him for a bit. Those are the milk bottles from the inn. I need to count
them and sign for them.”
“Sure.” Samuel
took Jesse, who immediately began to wiggle. He walked to calm him a bit. Jesse
seemed to like Samuel, but he was only really content if Quentin held him.
I need to tell him tonight. Make him
understand why I risked defying the king.
Samuel turned back
to watch Quentin, wondering what would happen next. To Jesse, he said, “What do
you think? Should I go for it?”
Jesse nuzzled his
neck and then held his hand up to the sky, waving it around before looking at
Samuel and laughing.
“I’m going to
assume that’s a yes.” Looking back at Quentin again, he said, “Maybe soon, we
really will be a family.”
Jesse began
wiggling again, and Samuel let him down, grasping his hand and letting himself
be pulled across a field toward the sandbox Quentin had set up for Jesse to
play in. Samuel let himself get lost in building castles and fortresses with
sand and rocks, for a time.
